kids and needs

There are so many different ways to parent, that it can seem somewhat scary at times. There are so many voices telling you to do it this way or that way. There are opinions of every kind. One Michael Hopkin stated that parenting should teach kids to survive and thrive in whatever society they are in. He stated that if you are living in a monarchy or Dictator ruled country, they should be taught to do what they are told without question. This would help them blend into their society. If one were to live in a perfect kind society, the kids should be taught to trust everyone, love their neighbor, care for the poor, and blend in society in every other way. As from this example, it is plain to see that there are thousands of ideas of how we should raise our children.

There are several ways people raise their kids and many vices people use as well. Many people believe that the school system should teach their kids including their values. Boarding school is literally a school meant to raise kids. The soviet unit for 70 years took kids at the age of 2 and taught them how to be good citizens. The role of a mother was first to the state and second to their child. That is somewhat of the push today. Under the Obama administration, it was believed that parenting should be left to the professionals and mothers should go to work to contribute to society.

One question that societies overlook in general is who does parenting affect? In short, parenting affects the parents and the children. Further down the line, society is eventually affected by parenting and it trickles down from there. A good society with poor parenting will not be a good society very much longer. It is not a simple task nor is it unimportant.

It is commonly agreed by family study specialists that the most important outcomes of parenting should be Courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. These attributes should be gained by both the kids and the parent. Through service, love, and hope, each of these attributes can be attained but only by hard work. There are many instances that parents and children misunderstand needs and followed approaches. For example, a child may be bullied at school and have the need for protection. In response, the parent watches the kid join rough groups of friends as so they will not be bullied anymore but the parent may see it as rebellious or vengeful. A kid may need contact and respond in an annoying way. The parent sees this as just an attention hungry monster who always annoys them. I kid may seem like he is at a lack of control in his life and feel powerless and in response begins to gain power by controlling others. The parent may see the kid to be acting up and trying to make them mad but instead, its just a cry for help that the kid needs help trying to control his own life.

There are times as a parent, that it is important to let kids be assertive and to take control. Many times when a kid is assertive, they are punished because they are seen as acting out of line or trying to go against their parent’s commands. This isn’t determined by the kid’s behavior either. The way a kid behaves does state that he’s learned these attributes. You can scare a kid to act a certain way but at his core, he doesn’t believe in being honest. He’s only afraid of the consequences.

fathers and finances

I wish to touch on the subject of fathers, finances, and divorce. Many studies in the past have shown that most divorce start by a difference in finances. There are financial troubles that add a stress that can be detrimental. Why is this such a big struggle in today’s society? How can the lack of money be such a hassle? Hopefully I can expound on this subject and show how basic finances that can be extremely daunting can actually be easy.

Back in the 1980’s there was a significant change in society in general. Housing prices increased drastically as the women’s movement exploded. Instead of one breadwinner in a family, there was now two. People saw this as soon the only way to compete. How can you by a house over someone else when they have another breadwinner? It has been proven that a woman in the workforce will still have 35% more work to do in the home even if she has the exact same job as the man in the home. These small differences can cause significant rifts in a family. Questions begin to arise of,” should we use your money or mine?

There was a study given on a typical family unit to see if a wife making money was truly beneficial to the overall welfare of the family. A typical family was chosen for this study that had 2 children and a married couple. An accountant came in and calculated the money made if the mother wasn’t working compared to her working. The husband made about 41,000 a year and the wife made around 22,000. At the end of the study, it was shown that as combined, they really only made 40,000 dollars. This doesn’t sound possible when looking on the outside math. Things that were calculated were simply comparing money spent for the two different life styles. A working life style has 4 mouths to feed and usually resorted to fast food because time is short. Baby sitting was another large factor in this as well. When it was all said and done, the accountant found that this family was actually losing money by the mother working. Her work at home was more beneficial to their pocket book by not having to spend money as when she would if she were working.

What also should be a terrible vice to avoid is the statement “your job.” “The dishes aren’t my job!” “Why do I have to do your job when you don’t do mine!” All these statements divide the home. Work in this sense is something that is terrible and is frowned upon. No-one wants to do it. Someone has to do it still and whomever is the peacekeeper will usually be first to step up to the plate. Over time, laziness looses out. There begins to be strife and contention because either the husband or wife is doing “more” than their spouse and ill feelings are the response of this.

A final thing I wish to hit on is another study. It is common practice for parents to pay their kids for doing their chores. A study was done where kids were payed to play. Over time, the kids played less and did it more grudgingly. Many times, parents wish to help their kids do better so they motivate them with money. In the end, this can be more detrimental than not giving them money at all for their work.

One final thing I wish to touch on the is role of fathers and how the phrase “toxic masculinity” is doing more harm than good. It has become so thick of a fog, that England has considered men to not be necessary for the family unit besides bring in the income. If a mother and her children are provided for, there doesn’t even need to be a husband or father. On https://www.fatherhood.gov/dadtalk-blog/fatherhood-research-practice-network-webinar-findings-frpn-funded-projects-home, there is access to research of how fathers in the home are not only able to touch their kids life through providing for them but also spending time with them and giving them one on one time. It teaches them life skills and gives and added strength of what it means to be strong in life and how to survive in today’s world. He teaches them what it means to lose and how they can recover from it. He teaches them what it means to win and the means of winning. He helps them with their emotions by offering a strength in their life that they can turn to when in need of help. A father-head figure is so much more than just Mr. money bags. Fatherhood is a gift and should be treated as such.

corrupt communication

In our day and age, communication has become such a problem between couples. This is really funny actually because communication has never been so readily available. We can call or text at anytime and converse with those whom we know or even don’t know. The simple communication however isn’t the thing that we are having problems with. It is the mixed signals and the corrupt communication. There are simple ways of over coming these problems however and I hopefully will explain them fully and accurately.

Empathy, Assertiveness, and respect are all great foundations of communication. Empathy is the ability to relate too. Someone’s struggle can be felt by another when trying their best to understand the predicament their companion or friend is going through. There are actually 3 different points that are said to help empathy. The first is the Disarming technique. This technique is simply used to help whomever know that you mean them no harm and really are trying to help them. This can be done simply by agreeing or showing someone that you are listening to them. You can listen and reason instead of arguing and giving blame. This can be hard however. Most times this requires admitting your wrong and not being defensive to others’ accusations.

The next step is to Express Empathy. This is relating to others with their problems. It can be done by giving personal experiences of how you and their situations can be similar. The next step is Inquiry or talking more. This involves us asking questions to their conversation to show that we are interested and engaged in their conversation. These are the simple steps of Empathy.

The next step is show Assertiveness and this is done through when, felt like, because, and I would like it if. These are confusing but let me explain. When you are wishing to state your side of the story, you must do it with assertiveness and explain fully about something. When you made that joke about me, I felt like you care about your friends laughing more than me because you value their opinions. I would like it if you didn’t do that anymore. This is a good example of how to fully express your feelings.

The final step is Express Genuine or authentic admiration and appreciation. This last step is the resolving step. It is important to give the last bit of respect to show that you do not think poorly of them in the way they think. It further shows that you fully understand and still care about them as a person. With this added love and respect, they have no choice but to lower their guard against you.

All of these steps though are useless if given with corrupt communication. Corrupt communication ranges from the silent treatment all the way to severe sarcasm. Anything that isn’t the truth or the intended purpose is corrupt communication. We should practice our communication continually with those we love and care about. Without a pure form of communication, there is information lost as people take different meanings from speech. In our day, there is always room for corrupt communication. Texts, email, and even telephone calls leave a large area for misunderstanding. We can improve on this by making sure our text or speech is simple and to the point.

The way we feel and what we say are many times two things. Feelings and strong emotions often cloud our judgement. Anger, when provoked, causes more corrupt communication than as if we were silent. Now the question comes of how we can remain level headed through all the struggles that we have in our relationships. It’s not easy. In fact, it is extremely hard. Many times, it is best to pass your feelings to your friend or companion. Tell them your frustrations and admit that your level thinking is off because you are frustrated. Then go on to explain that even though you are not level headed, you still need to have your feelings expressed and still need empathy. All of this isn’t just a one-time thing. We must try continually to build our relationships in communication.

stress and truth

Stress is something that has received such negative connotation for the past few years. People suffer from depression and blame stress. Grades fail and people go into anxiety attacks because of stress. Stress has taken the blame for many of our difficulties in life. If we look at the big picture, stress is the only thing keeping us alive. Let me explain.

In space, astronaut’s biggest health concern is the lack of stress on their body. They are more prone to a weaker heart, weaker muscles in general, weaker bones, and weaker anything else that has to deal with the body. In our lives, we find people who have had to deal with little stress in their lives are more likely to have panic attacks or melt downs when they receive stress later on. Obviously mental and physical stress are two different things but they behave the same way. How we react to the stress will also determine how we will change or adapt. If a wrestler or athlete decided to stop every time they felt pain, they wouldn’t be athletes very long. If a body builder stopped lifting weights because of the burn in his thighs, he wouldn’t be a body builder much longer. In our lives, we have the choice to react to every situation. We can run away from our problems, push them on others, or accept them and overcome them. This is obviously more easily said than done.

In recent research, it has been shown that wealthy families that have support from both sides of the family are actually more likely to get divorced? You would think it would just be opposite? Why do these ideal situations give the worst results? People who have been married in troubles of trial and are still married never have regrets about their trials. They usually look back on those moments as beautiful struggles where they learned to struggle together with their spouses.

There are ways of overcoming trials however. Every family will have difficulties. Trials will come as kids get hurt or misunderstanding occur. There will be struggles of every kind but how we respond to these events will make things worse or better. Many times, when things happen, parents may blame themselves or their children. Why did I let that happen? Why are my children this way? Why don’t they just tell me or deal with this problem like an adult? There are obviously so many questions you can ask to every question. What is important is that we see a situation for what it is and accept it. All the crying or complaining in the world won’t bring back a child’s life or make another feel better. We are humans and as humans, we make mistakes. Many of those mistakes are final and it is up to us to accept those mistakes and help those who make the mistakes.

We must see life as the pursuit for truth. Miscommunication and anger hide the truth. Truth is simply the way things are, the way they’ve always been, and how they will always be. We must remember that truth should overrule everything because with truth comes happiness. Truth is that people are generally good. The world isn’t that bad. Love trumps hate. Wisdom trumps power with a greater power of its own. Good triumphs evil. It is so easy to be blinded by the world by its downing messages and negative connotations. We are good people who make mistakes. If we have negative thoughts about someone’s actions, odds are is that we usually don’t understand. It is that simple.

You may think: there are different stresses though. A kid drowning in a pool is a lot more difficult to overcome than being laid off from a job. This is true but the way we react to these situations will give the same results. If we let either of these scenarios cripple us mentally, it can cripple our marriage or even our family permanently.