building to marriage

The word dating means a totally different thing now days than it did just 20 years ago. Though trends of dating have changed and how people view it have changed, the basic ideas and principles are still there. What makes people date and fall in love? Why do some people view things in dating that isn’t very important to be extremely important? Hopefully I will be able to clear some of these things up.

Everyone knows we don’t have access to 7 billion people on the earth to date. There isn’t enough time and enough situations to meet all the different people. There are certain pools of people that people date and these pools have reasons. The first dating pool that people dip into is the pool of Propinquity. This word simply means availability. In recent years, technology has improved our ability to know and reach out to new people. Naturally this has its limits because people can hide more over the internet or telephone. The upside is that people have more options.

The second pool people go to after the first has been met is Attractiveness. For some reason, this has been viewed as being shallow. Shallow? Why is it shallow? I have talked to many people who state this but then after being drilled, admit they do it as well. It is human nature to go after things we are attracted too. This isn’t just out of the blue either. Against people’s understanding, they are actually drawn to people who they find familiar. Why do they look for others familiar? Because they are comfortable with it and feel that they understand it. Familiarity comes from family. After looking back on previous relationships, most people can find that their boy or girlfriends were much like their mother, father, brother, or even sister. People look for others whom are more like them. There is nothing wrong with this. It is simply human nature.

There are correct steps to a relationship. A certain order that has been showed that if followed; will give the most fulfilling relationships. These simple basic steps from most important to least is as followed: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Physical Touch. These are in this order for a reason. It would be stupid for someone to trust another person more than they know them. It would be stupid to commit to a person you can barely rely on. It is extremely stupid (though everyone does it) to kiss and even have intimacy before you know, trust, rely, or have commitment to them.

Now to not focus on just the aspect of dating too much, I wish to dive into a combination of things that builds to a successful marriage. These are dating, courtship, engagement, and finally marriage. I already dove into dating so now I’ll go into courtship. Courtship is a word that is rarely used now days. Courtship is a commitment that you will only date one person. It is not to be confused with engagement. Courtship is about exclusively dating one person. It is a focus on getting to know one person very well so as to perhaps prepare for an engagement. This is the time to experiment and do different things. It is a time to date and better understand who each-other are. Do several different activities. Do things exciting, fun, daring, scary, romantic, and anything else that causes different emotions.

Next is engagement. Engagement isn’t marriage! It is an agreement and commitment to marry a specific person. At anytime during engagement, it is acceptable to break the engagement if the person whom you are engaged too shows new information. It is better to break an engagement than to have a miserable marriage for years.

Final is marriage, marriage is a time to still continue dating and getting to know one-another. Many times, the focus of the parents go to the children and not on each other. It is meant to also be full of patience, care, and passion. Every relationship needs continuous looking after. If any relationship, no matter how wonderful it is, will dissolve if not carefully nurtured.