relationships and boundaries

Anyone who knows biology knows there is a significant difference between a woman and a man’s body. This difference in hormones and cycles can sometimes create a real problem for intimacy in marriage and that can be a very big thing. Intimacy in marriage is a wonderful good thing that can cause a couple to solidify their bonds with each other and make each other feel closer to each other than ever.

This biology can cause real gaps and differences in marriage however if not communicated properly. A male has very large amount of testosterone in their body when compared to women. Testosterone is the driving hormone for sexual relations. It has been proven that men are ready to have intimacy much more than women but it also doesn’t last near as long during the act of sex. Women however have a much longer period of build up as well as a longer sustain period. This difference can cause women to think men are selfish and only want sex when they want it. When women are finally at their peak of satisfaction, the man is tired and wants to sleep. This is a hormonal issue that needs to be understood. Overcoming this needs communication and selflessness. Men release a large amount of Dopamine and Serotonin while women excrete high amounts of Oxytocin, serotonin, and Dopamine. Men want to sleep and women want to cuddle.

Other differences are that men reach their sexual peak in their lives at ages 18-19 while women reach their peak at 30-35. These numbers are vastly different. Studies have been done to prove that men have sex so that they can feel closer to their spouse while women want to have sex with people that they are already close and feel comfortable with. Once again, these small differences can cause relationships to go in different directions.

One large thing however that both men and women don’t realize is that people who keep sexual relations including sexual thoughts within their marriage are much happier not only sexually but ever aspect of their marriages. This complete act of devotion shows each other they have no other commitment besides to each other. Their devotion is for each other.  It has been commonly accepted by sexual arousal can be satisfied in anyway a person sees fit and it is ok. Anyone who has remained loyal and faithful to one person will tell you this isn’t the case. If you feel like your sexual intimacy or satisfaction with your partner is in the decline, push everything out of your life that could pull your focus off them. Then serve them, care for them, and remain faithful to them in every way and your relationship will improve.

It has become a serious problem across the U.S. where wives leave their husbands for other women or visa versa. This doesn’t just come to happen from out of nowhere. As people, we seek to find people who are relatable to us and who we can confide in. When people’s spouses aren’t connected emotionally, they will go other places where they can find that. What can also have this come up is a spouse not fully confiding in their partner. It has become quite widely accepted that when a couple is having problems in their marriage, they go to their parents and discuss their problems. When this is the practice, it breaks the connection that is meant to be formed between husband and wife. There are things that should be shared only between husband and wife. We should always remember that married people should put their spouse first before anyone else. They should be your confidant in everything. If we put our spouse first in the relationship, they will see that and in return put you first as well.

foundation of a relationship ext.

There needs to be a foundation to every house we build today. If not, the house itself will crumble overtime and not withstand the elements in time. If the right procedures aren’t followed carefully, foundations will fail on our structures. This same concept can be found in the marriage unit. Proper procedures must be followed or the marriage in itself will fail. I wish to dive quickly into these different aspects of building a sustaining marriage.

If someone was to give you a bunch of lumber for your house to be built from, you wouldn’t walk out and just start hammering boards together. If you did, you would be wasting time and lumber. Yet for some reason we do this with our relationships. We have the proper supplies to build and yet just throw it together without any plan at all. Dating is simply the way for us to write blue-prints for our marriage. A couple needs to learn to problem solve, decision make, and learn to communicate together. This is best done through different activities and date ideas.

Now comes the engagement. Today’s society, it has become so noncommittal. What do you think about marriage? If we were to get married…? These are common questions for guys to ask women before they even propose to them. Ask yourself. What could be wrong with this? How does the woman know the guy is committed? How does she know his full intentions if he’s not willing to show his willingness to make the initial investment in her? This seems very one sided one may point out. It should be because the woman is putting her future in his hands. It is proven in studies that women have become the dominant ones in the relationship. Men not willing to commit first isn’t the entire reason for this but it is a factor.

Marriages are next in line. Marriages today run anywhere from 19,000 to 33,000 dollars. In order to pay for this, usually the parents step in to help. This is our custom. It has also become custom for the woman and her parents to make the entire wedding plans and leaving the guy completely out. Think of how this could be a strain on the relationship later on. I won’t go into detail at this time but will rather let you think about it.

These previous steps are so crucial because marriage will only get harder. It will also be more fulfilling but these aspects are often looked over. If not built with a solid foundation, marriages will fail when any struggle arises including having kids. Data shows that marriages are always improving until children are brought into the situation. This is because one partner feels that they are no longer loved because their spouse spends more time on their kids. Once the kids move out, the marriage gets better. It’s not that kids are bad. They just require more of the parents than just newlyweds.

There are ways to overcome this however. It should be closely observed that the man and woman make sure the man is also very involved in the pregnancy. The husband can be more involved by going to doctor appointments, talking about the baby, and sharing their ideas and expectations of the child. They should have an open line of communication as well as an added patience and understanding for each other. With these small steps, a husband and wife can overcome any struggle. Open communication with an added level of service will show devotion that was other-wise not thought of to be possible. Marriages will have their rough spots and if not given a proper foundation as well as constant building, they will eventually fail. It is inevitable.

building to marriage

The word dating means a totally different thing now days than it did just 20 years ago. Though trends of dating have changed and how people view it have changed, the basic ideas and principles are still there. What makes people date and fall in love? Why do some people view things in dating that isn’t very important to be extremely important? Hopefully I will be able to clear some of these things up.

Everyone knows we don’t have access to 7 billion people on the earth to date. There isn’t enough time and enough situations to meet all the different people. There are certain pools of people that people date and these pools have reasons. The first dating pool that people dip into is the pool of Propinquity. This word simply means availability. In recent years, technology has improved our ability to know and reach out to new people. Naturally this has its limits because people can hide more over the internet or telephone. The upside is that people have more options.

The second pool people go to after the first has been met is Attractiveness. For some reason, this has been viewed as being shallow. Shallow? Why is it shallow? I have talked to many people who state this but then after being drilled, admit they do it as well. It is human nature to go after things we are attracted too. This isn’t just out of the blue either. Against people’s understanding, they are actually drawn to people who they find familiar. Why do they look for others familiar? Because they are comfortable with it and feel that they understand it. Familiarity comes from family. After looking back on previous relationships, most people can find that their boy or girlfriends were much like their mother, father, brother, or even sister. People look for others whom are more like them. There is nothing wrong with this. It is simply human nature.

There are correct steps to a relationship. A certain order that has been showed that if followed; will give the most fulfilling relationships. These simple basic steps from most important to least is as followed: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Physical Touch. These are in this order for a reason. It would be stupid for someone to trust another person more than they know them. It would be stupid to commit to a person you can barely rely on. It is extremely stupid (though everyone does it) to kiss and even have intimacy before you know, trust, rely, or have commitment to them.

Now to not focus on just the aspect of dating too much, I wish to dive into a combination of things that builds to a successful marriage. These are dating, courtship, engagement, and finally marriage. I already dove into dating so now I’ll go into courtship. Courtship is a word that is rarely used now days. Courtship is a commitment that you will only date one person. It is not to be confused with engagement. Courtship is about exclusively dating one person. It is a focus on getting to know one person very well so as to perhaps prepare for an engagement. This is the time to experiment and do different things. It is a time to date and better understand who each-other are. Do several different activities. Do things exciting, fun, daring, scary, romantic, and anything else that causes different emotions.

Next is engagement. Engagement isn’t marriage! It is an agreement and commitment to marry a specific person. At anytime during engagement, it is acceptable to break the engagement if the person whom you are engaged too shows new information. It is better to break an engagement than to have a miserable marriage for years.

Final is marriage, marriage is a time to still continue dating and getting to know one-another. Many times, the focus of the parents go to the children and not on each other. It is meant to also be full of patience, care, and passion. Every relationship needs continuous looking after. If any relationship, no matter how wonderful it is, will dissolve if not carefully nurtured.

homosexuality and divisions

There are more divisions now days than ever. One division I wish to go into is the division of men and women. This is very important because this is the foundational unit to raise children with. How can society be so at ease with the sexs’ being at odds with each other, but so nervous about divorce rates. How can we be happily married if we believe that we are always the victim to the opposite sex.

Science has proved that there are physiological differences between men and women. A 5-year-old on the beach can understand the differences quite easily. There are further details however that are overlooked. There is 5x as much white matter in the communication empathy of a woman’s mind rather than guys. This helps with the communication in a woman’s mind. They are able to relate items to each other and find connections. This is also why they are more aware of their surroundings. Guys have more grey matter in their brains. This effects their capacity for problem solving. Women are built more emotional. Men are built more physical. This isn’t a matter of opinion. This is proven.

These differences are not bad but good. They are complementary to each other. When in marriage, men and women both bring very important gifts to the table. Women bring compassion, love, unity, and heart-felt things to the table while the man provides logic, strength, and competition. These differences, when combined, can be extremely complimentary to each-other. Each unit in the marriage has its weaknesses that the other unit can overcome for them. They should work in harmony, not working at odds with one-another.

Now comes the question of what about the people who have the natural tendencies to do that of the opposite gender. What about the girl who likes to ruff house instead of playing barbies? What about the boy who would rather put on eye-liner rather than ride on the four-wheeler? What about this minority who feels like they are not understood and overlooked?

Across the U.S. in the 1980’s, there were thousands of men who were dying from AIDS. The great majority of these individuals who were dying were homosexuals. There began to be a fear as the media displayed this to the public. It wasn’t long before there was a reaction in the opposite direction. There were soon books being published, hoping to overturn the phobia people were having of homosexuals. Their first goal was to eliminate the word homosexual itself. The word “Gay” was soon thereafter introduced. The second goal was to put homosexuals in every aspect of media. It was also important to note that every gay person couldn’t be bad but rather a good strong character. Their third goal was to eliminate or silence any research being done that would show the downfalls of homosexual activity from a health point perspective. In the end, it was their goal to normalize homosexual activity so as to make the public more comfortable with it.

If we fast forward today, we see that their vision was followed through. There are more homosexual characters in the media than ever before. Research on AIDS and its relationship with homosexual activities have been nearly eliminated because it is listed as “Homophobic.” The homosexual stigma is now encouraged and promoted on every level of the media. Even children are being listed as “Gay” without even understanding what sex is.

What we need to understand is this whole subject isn’t about sex. It is about intimacy. It is human to want to fit in and be understood. More feminine boys are often ostracized when they are kids. Many are simply pushed into homosexual activities simply because they begin to feel that they are pushed in that direction by everyone else. Girls that were “Tom-boys” were seen as cool. Boys that were feminine were “sissies.” It is proven that more feminine boys are also reported to be more distant to their fathers and brothers. It should be our culture to accept anyone no matter how their character is.

In the end, I wish to say that people should be respectful and understanding with everyone that is different from them. We should also respect and honor everyone’s freedom to believe how they may if this be for or against homosexual activity. We should also be aware and try to help those who are struggling. Instead of smiling and patting those on the back whom are gay, we should be asking how they are doing and if they are struggling with anything. In the end, we should treat people like people and not like an agenda. Most of the people on this planet are just trying to be good people.